Anita's new book CLAWS: Confessions of a Professional Cat Groomer is out now Read about it here

Anita Kelsey - Cat Behaviourist

Accredited Cat Behaviour Expert in London, UK

by

Helping Children Cope with the Loss of a Pet: A Guide for Adults

The bond between children and their pets is often deep and meaningful. Pets are companions, confidants, and cherished members of the family. When a pet dies, the loss can be profound for a child, especially if it is their first experience with loss and death. Adults play a crucial role in guiding children through this difficult time, offering support, understanding, and space to grieve. Here’s how adults can help children navigate the emotional landscape of losing a beloved animal companion.

Understanding the Impact of Pet Loss on Children

For many children, pets are more than just animals: they are best friends and sources of unconditional love. Losing a pet can trigger a wide range of emotions. These can range from sadness, confusion, anger, guilt, or even fear. The loss may also raise difficult questions about death and what happens afterward, depending on the child’s age and curious nature.

Some children might not fully understand what has happened, while others may grasp the finality of death and feel overwhelmed by it. Regardless of age, the grief is real and needs and deserves acknowledgment. Although adults feel the same range of emotions, the weight of grief children can experience can be far heavier and detrimental.

How Adults Can Help

1. Be Honest, Yet Gentle

Avoid phrasing like “put to sleep” or “ran away,” which can be confusing or misleading. Use clear, age-appropriate language: “I have some very sad news to tell you. Our cat has sadly died. This means her body stopped working for her and she’s not coming back. She died peacefully and without feeling any pain” Honesty helps children process the reality of death without creating false hope or misunderstanding and most humans, adults or children, will also find comfort in knowing the death was painless and quick.

For road traffic accidents (RTA) it could be explained like: “I have some very sad news to tell you, and I want to be honest with you. Our cat was in an accident on the road today. A car hit them, and they died. It happened very quickly, and they didn’t feel any pain.” – “I know this is really hard and very sad. It’s okay to cry or feel upset or even angry. I feel really sad too. We loved her/him very much, and it’s okay to miss them.”

You can follow up with:

“Would you like to talk more about it, or just sit with me for a bit?”

“Do you want to ask me anything about what happened?”

Note: Regardless of the exact circumstances, it’s perfectly acceptable to say the cat passed peacefully and quickly. This can provide great comfort. There is no need to focus on details that may differ from this.”

2. Allow Space to Grieve

Grief looks different for everyone.  Some children may cry openly, while others may act out, withdraw, or ask questions repeatedly. Allow them to express their feelings in their own way and at their own pace. Reassure them that all feelings: sadness, anger, and confusion are okay. Adults should not shy away from crying in front of their children. It’s an honest response to pain and shows that it is normal and ok to grieve and that crying is not age related but  a normal human response. This means grief can be a shared process.

3. Encourage Remembrance

Creating a ritual to say goodbye can help children process their loss. It also helps adults too!! This could include:

  • Holding a small memorial or burial.

  • Creating a small memorial garden in a corner of the main garden. The children can get involved designing the space and it can be very therapeutic.

  • Drawing pictures or writing letters to the pet.

  • Creating a scrapbook or memory box with photos and favorite toys.

These acts of remembrance validate the importance of the pet in the child’s life and offer comfort. It offers a solid closure date, like that of a funeral or wake.

4. Share Your Own Feelings

Showing your grief helps normalise the experience for children. Saying something like, “I’m really sad too. I miss her,” shows that it’s okay to be upset and that grieving is a shared, natural response to loss.

5. Answer Questions with Patience

Children may ask the same questions over and over as they try to make sense of what happened. Be patient and respond calmly. If your family has spiritual or cultural beliefs about death, this can be a time to share them in a comforting way.

6. Maintain Routine and Security

Keeping up with daily routines can help children feel secure during a time of emotional upheaval. Consistency offers a sense of normalcy, even amid sadness.

7. Maintain Routine and Security

Use books on pet loss for younger children. Google for lots of options for different age ranges. These can be very helpful and a gentle way to explain and process the emotions. GOOGLE SEARCH.

When to Seek Extra Support

While grief is a natural process, some children may struggle more than others. If a child’s sadness persists for an extended period, interferes with daily life, or leads to signs of depression or anxiety, consider seeking support from a therapist, or pediatrician experienced in child grief. There are many outlets on line who offer grief support for children.

Looking to the Future

It’s important not to rush a child into “replacing” a pet. Let them grieve fully before considering bringing another animal into the family. If and when the time feels right, involving the child in choosing a new pet can be a healing and hopeful experience, not a replacement, but a new chapter.

Conclusion

The death of a pet is often a child’s first encounter with loss. While heartbreaking, it also provides an opportunity to teach children about empathy, resilience, and the enduring power of love. With the compassionate support of adults, children can learn to honor the memory of their pets and carry forward the joy they brought into their lives.

Focusing on the life and moments shared with your cat rather than focusing on the way they died is the way forward and the best way to move forward from such a heartbreaking time.

In memory of Pipkin below who died in a RTA 2025.  Her passing inspired the writing of this article to help the children cope better. She will be dearly missed by her family and companion cat.

Pet Bereavement Support Services

👧 Grief Counselling for Children

  • Child Bereavement UK
    Counselling, helpline, and resources for children and families experiencing bereavement.
    📞 0800 02 888 40

  • Winston’s Wish
    National UK charity offering support for grieving children and young people.
    📞 08088 020 021 | 📧 ask@winstonswish.org

  • Grief Encounter
    Offers one-to-one support, a helpline, and family workshops for bereaved children.
    📞 0808 802 0111 | 📧 grieftalk@griefencounter.org.uk

  • Hope Again (by Cruse)
    Youth site of Cruse Bereavement Support with advice and personal stories for young people.

  • Childline
    24/7 free, confidential support for under-19s (not grief-specific but includes grief resources).
    📞 0800 1111 | Online chat available

  • ——————————-

Helping Children Cope with the Loss of a Pet: A Guide for AdultsABOUT THE AUTHOR

Anita Kelsey holds a first class honours degree in Feline Behaviour and Psychology (work based BA Hons) and runs a vet referral service dedicated strictly to the diagnosis and treatment of behaviour problems in cats. She is also a qualified cat groomer and specialises in grooming challenging or phobic cats. Anita, a strong advocate of a vegan lifestyle, is based in East Sussex but consults all over the UK as well as international requests. She lives with her husband, a music producer, and 1 Norwegian Forest cat, Kiki.

Click to read genuine reviews on Google Maps: https://maps.app.goo.gl/4grgX2M7kUB2EevJ8

Her first book ‘Claws. Confessions Of A Professional Cat Groomer‘ was published by John Blake in 2017 with her second book, Let’s Talk About Cats self published via Amazon worldwide in 2020. The Little Book Of Extraordinary Cats is Anita’s third book out now 2024.